Introducing the Holy Church of Ostrichism

Welcome one and all to our humble group! We are many in number and there seems to be no limit to our ability to expand. There are members from our church in all walks of life from all socioeconomic and educational backgrounds around the globe. Everywhere we go thriving local assemblies are present and adding to their flocks daily!
At our most recent annual congregational meeting it was decided unanimously by all in attendance that the fields were ripe for harvest and that we should lift our heads out of the sand at least long enough to spread the message. We had heretofore adopted a low profile for fear of reprisal from those who preach self responsibility but we now choose to stand up and be heard.
Since we are virtually unknown by the general populace I will attempt to briefly explain our beliefs and mission in this life. I will refrain from delving too deeply into the theology behind them as it takes a lifetime to scratch the surface and there isn’t the space to do so in the essay.
I’ll begin with our Seven Demandments which were given to us by our holiest of holies thousands of years ago. His name was Oscar and it is said that during a cataclysmic event in his life, he saw a vision and went forth to the plains whereupon he burrowed his head in the earth for 45 days and 33 nights. This event itself is our first recorded miracle and one that has been studied at length by our finest scholars ever since.
But I digress.
Following his sabbatical, Oscar emerged, called together all our ancestors and presented them with these Holy Proclamations which are the foundation of our church.
1. Thou shalt demand thy right to be indifferent.
2. Thou shalt demand thy right to be irresponsible regardless of the cost to others.
3. Thou shalt not attempt to change the status quo.
4. Thou shalt never pass up the opportunity to demand restitution from others for calamities related to your indifference that may befall you.
5. Thou shalt never admit to being a witness to calamity befalling others.
6. Thou shalt not under any circumstances even consider carrying part of the workload to assist others.
7. That shalt not become involved in any activity that may in any way benefit others. Your only concern is to be for the Holy Trinity of ME, MYSELF and I!! Any act committed outside your personal space ( 36 inch circumference) constitutes the unpardonable sin which will result in immediate banishment from the body of Ostrichism for eternity.

We have followed these principles for generations untold with astounding success. We still to this day believe that if we can’t hear it or see it then it cannot possibly affect us.
However, along with the birth of a new century there has evolved one major change in the everyday practice of our religion. For centuries the act of burying one’s head in the sand has resulted in some very irritating consequences. Namely cleaning the sand out of our ears and eyes when we did have to come up for air, food, and water. But PRAISE BE, we have found a solution! One of our more enlightened souls went forth and returned to us with dark shades and IPODS!
Now we can go about our daily lives without the aggravation of the sand nor the fear of breaking the laws of scripture of seeing and hearing. Who said evolution was a bad thing!

I have tried to be true to my word and be brief about our congregation! I’ll leave you with an open invitation to join us if you so desire. I can without hesitation guarantee that wherever you are on this planet there are members of our group that will ignore you with open arms. All you have to do is don the shades and IPODS and follow suite.

Authors Disclaimer; This is meant to be satire. If it hits close to home or offends any who read it, sorry about your luck. Having said that, I do invite comments on the piece if you so desire.